Aspergers - A Family's Story

I know how corny this sounds but I have truly had one of these "Light Bulb Moments" that Oprah is always talking about.

I was working at home the other day writing a procedure for the company that I work for when I looked up straight at the family photo we had taken when Harrison was two and half. 

There we were the three of us looking into the camera smiling but the biggest smile of all was Harrison's.  Once again enjoying every moment of his life.

It suddenly struck me - like a light bulb being turned on -  that I really couldn't remember my feelings for Harrison at this age.  Sure I could remember going and having this beautiful family photo taken and of course I have lots of photos,videos, baby books and written records but I couldn't recall those deep down in my heart feelings and little special moments that I know we did have as a family.  It was not the memories but the feelings that seemed so hard to recall.

 

I started to panic - why was this?  Why couldn't I recall my feelings for those times that we had shared when he was just a toddler?  What had happened for this occur?

I sat back and started to think hard about how life had been for us as a family then.  The answer then became very clear.

The reason I couldn't recall my deep down feelings was because over this time I had tried to be Super Mum.  I ran my own business that was fantastically successful but extremely demanding and time consuming, so Harrison spent much of the week in care.  This of course resulting in the rush.  Morning, Noon and Night I rushed just managing to fit everything in and that included my time with Harrison resulting in me never realizing the issues my son was struggling with.

It wasn't until Harrison was diagnosed with  ADHD and then Aspergers that I took stock and realized  how much more time he needed from me and how much more time I needed to give him.

I sat back from my computer over whelmed by the realization that I was starting to slip back into that Super Mum mode again - heaven forbid - Harrison has come to far I couldn't let this happen again.

My heart was filled with an absolute love that I can't describe but it comes in somewhere close to as high are the heavens and as deep as the sea.I suddenly had a  terrible urge to ring the school and say I needed to come and pick Harrison up early for no particular reason but just to be with him and knowing in that split second that I needed to sort out my prioritizes before the Super Mum in me took over again.

So I took myself in hand.  I phoned my boss and asked if I could take one week of the school holidays off to spend time with Harrison.  His reply was - no, take all the school holidays, family is the most important thing and the time goes so fast you need to enjoy every moment you can get!  Wow - he must have had this Light Bulb Moment sometime in his life too. 

The next thing I did was decide no more rushing.  Nothing is more important than my time with Harrison.  If our walk and talk home from school take two hours so that how it is.  If we don't eat on time because I've sat down and read a book or watched TV with Harrison then dinner will be late.  What I don't get done today can be done tomorrow but a moment wasted that I could have spent with Harrison can never be again.

And so I am going to soak up every moment that I get to spend with this beautiful boy so that I can remember not only the time we spend together but also the feelings that motherhood and the love of this beautiful child brings. 

We all talk about how children with Aspergers love routine and hate anything unplanned and after the  past few months I would have to say that I guess there is a little bit of Aspergers in all of us.

I was so grateful to get back to normal routine with Harrison that I didn't expect problems that we would have settling Harrison back into school this year.

Of course a lot of this has had to do with all the medications we have mucked around with over the past four months but as I have said before Richard and I always believe that we must keep on looking forward for Harrison to give him the best chance at life that we can and sometimes that can be a bit of a gamble.  Unfortunately for Harrison and I might add us things did not go well with Harrison on Strattera.  It seemed like once the Ritalin was completely out of his system that he was on no meds at all.  I might add here for all those parents contemplating a  holiday in a 20 foot caravan with an ADHD/Aspergers child having a medication change - DON'T.  I sit back at home now and wonder what the people on the campsite next to us thought was going on.  Then I think well it really doesn't matter with a little luck we probably will never see them again -  Australia is a pretty big place.

Anyway, as Strattera turned out to be a disaster we put Harrison back on Ritalin but decided to try the long acting so that he wouldn't have to worry about taking meds at school.  Another bit of a gamble you might say but once again we wanted to give Harrison the chance to experience school like most other kids. 

Things seemed to be going well we had no problems on the first couple of days of school and then we were into the week end.  Harrison said he was happy and things had gone well.  I did explain to his teacher that he was on new meds.

We started the second week and then our troubles began.  I got the inevitable call from the school to say that Harrison had been in some sort of fight.  He was ok but they just wanted to let me know that he didn't seem to have the same ability in the playground when it came to socializing as he had had last year.  We all decided just to let him have some space and make sure this just wasn't due to the change in routine.  But the next day came the next call and then the upset child saying he couldn't possibly go back to school again.  Of course he did and this time after meeting with his teacher and special education teachers it was beginning to become clear that the long acting Ritalin just wasn't doing it's job.

I cannot speak highly enough of the school who immediately put in place some little things to help Harrison though the day.  His teachers are wonderful and straight away they determined that they would keep a teacher with him during lunch break until we got the medication sorted and Harrison could cope. 

So once again I contacted our Pediatrician and told Anthony what had been going on and that we wanted to go back to the old way of administering Harrison's meds.  Anthony is fantastic he completely agreed that we had tried enough and that it was time to bring in the old faithfully 10 mg Ritalin that Harrison has always taken up until November and that he would suggest we keep this up until Harrison starts High School.   Anthony, as always listened to us as parents. He never makes us feel like we don't know what we are talking about.  On top of which he really cares about Harrison and our family life.

So things seem to be settling back - dare I say - into a nice routine. 

Harrison is once again the happy go lucky, loving child we know. He even bought home a "Fantastic Super Effort Award" -  for a wonderful day at school last Thursday, which is a huge improvement on those phone calls!

We seem to be back on track and have we learnt anything from all of this? - absolutely!

Sometimes you have to take a chance even if it doesn't turn out the way you expect.    It may seem like one step forward and two steps back but each of these steps are taken together with the love and hope! You never know what might just be round the corner.