Aspergers - A Family's Story

Having a son with ADHD and Aspergers was not something I had planned for and I have often wondered - Why Us?  The answer has always come back - Why Not Us?  
This journey is about our whole family not just Harrison - so with that in mind I want to pass on what I have learnt so far not just about Harrison but about myself as well.

Emotions for a Mother run raw very often and more so when your child has Aspergers.
The first time it was bought to our attention that Harrison just wasn't doing what "Normal" kids do was when he was 4 years old and at Kindergarten.  I can still remember the Kindergarten teacher approaching me and telling me that they felt that something was wrong with Harrison.  I went home in such a fury that I could not have possibly been thinking straight and to this day I still cannot remember how I got myself and Harrison home safely.
Of course there was nothing wrong with my son!
I had to learn to accept that Harrison does dance to a different beat and that a diagnoses of Aspergers and ADHD was not the end of the world.  In fact I guess it came as a bit of a relief in the end to have a reason for his unpredictable behaviour and an answer to why he just didn't get things socially.

I've taken the time to stand up for my son in many situations no matter how trivial or embarrassing they seem.  I have had to explain many times why Harrison has reacted in certain ways often feeling like I am just making excuses as the people I am talking to listen with looks of disbelief.

I've listened to the abuse from a neighbour about my lack of parenting skills and how loud we are when we are out in our back yard playing games to improve Harrison's gross motor skills.

I have heard the comments in the shops about Harrison's behaviour and I have heard the sniggers and caustic remarks of other Mothers at school.

I have been an advocate for Harrison when he wasn't being heard and even spoken to the whole school staff one morning to explain Harrison's issues trembling in my boots but knowing this had to be done.

I have watched as other kids in the class are invited to birthday parties and my son is left out.  My heart has broken when he happily tells me "It's ok Mum there just wasn't enough room for me to go".

I have seen Harrison try so hard at swimming every week and still after two years of lessons be in with the learners class.  Then experienced unbelievable pride when he is named "Swimmer of the Day".


I have had to swallow my pride and learn how to parent Harrison so that he is living in an environment that doesn't create in him high levels of anxiety and stress.  
I have learnt that there is no shame in crying in front of people when discussing Harrison's issue and I have learnt that there are great support systems out there if you become accepting of the situation and look for the best outcome in everything.

Many people have said to us how accepting we are of Harrison's diagnoses but it is simply that Harrison is our one and only and we must do the best for him that we can with all the courage we can muster.  The challenge is to keep on making it better so that he can become a responsible mature adult.

A very wise woman (my mum) once said to me that we are never sent anything more than we can bear and I have learnt she is right!

Love can withstand anything! 

Part of our Behaviour Management Program that we use with Harrison is the Walk and Talk. This is time taken out with Harrison and one parent to walk and talk together. I have to say when I first started doing this with Harrison I was dubious about the benefits but we have now been walking and talking together for about the last three years. Not only is it great for both of us physically it really is fun to have time out just to talk and listen to each other with interruption.
We generally walk home from school three afternoons a week. To begin with this wasn’t an easy task as Harrison hated walking any distance and would make a huge fuss as soon as he saw the water bottle and my back pack and I’m sure that many mothers at the school gate though I was a little odd with my persistence. But persistence has paid off and there is no longer the moaning and the time together is now fun. Often there is any ice cream to see us through or a quick stop at the playground and inevitably there is always plenty of talk.
Some days the talk is about what happened at school – this is normally news that is a couple of days old as Harrison’s short term memory is not great. Other days the talk is about the latest game he is playing on PSP or Nintendo. Then there are the deeper subjects like God, Heaven, Getting Married and what Harrison’s wants to do when he grows up, how much we would both love another dog and why we don’t have one at the moment.
But the best conversation we have had just recently went something like this.
It was the 01st of September and we happened to be walking home.
Harrison’s comment to me - in a very loud and surprised voice was, “Mum, don’t you just love the first day of spring look at what has happened, the flowers are all out and they smell fantastic, birds are singing and the sky is blue. Look how beautiful everything is!” It was as if in his mind because it was now the 1st of September and the first day of spring all these things had popped up and changed over night. But best of all the flowers that Harrison found so remarkable were simple old clover and daisies growing in the grass by the side of the road and the birds were common sparrows. Isn't it fantastic to see the world through the eyes of a child and I thought to myself how could I ever have doubted the benefit and importance of our walk and talk.
It may sometimes seem that having a child with Aspergers is like parenting a little alien from another world. Often Harrison seems to be off on a different wave length to us and a lot of the time he is definitely dancing to a different beat but every now and then things happen that make us realize how lucky we are to have this darling boy. He seems to have an insight into life that we as adults don’t see. Perhaps the fact that there is only black and white, right and wrong, joy or sorrow and nothing in between is more a special gift than a characteristic of Aspergers. Anyway that’s the way I have started to look at certain things that Harrison says and does as I truly believe he has been given to us for much deeper reasons than we can comprehend.
Let me tell you the first day of Spring will never be the same again!

Asperger's Syndrome is an Autism Spectrum Disorder. It becomes obvious during early childhood and remains constant throughout life.
Harrison has difficulties with many things that we take for granted.
He does not interact well with other children his own age although he gets on exceptionally well with older children or adults.
He is very anxious. Simple things like a fly flying round the room or sleeping on his own have created huge issues for him.
He unable to cope with or accept criticism. Most of the time he is the class policeman as he is very good at seeing others faults but does not believe that he is ever wrong. This also leads to the problem of his lack of understanding of jokes and sarcasm. If you said to him to pull up his socks he would do just that - everything is literal. There is black and there is white.
Academically he does well. He is excellent at Mathematics and Science. He is also an exceptionally good reader but has difficulties with comprehension.
He talks all the time and has great difficulty with the pragmatics of language and taking turn in the conversation. This often also results in Harrison making inappropriate comments as he doesn't realise the implications but in saying this his speaks well and uses very big words in all the right places although he is uninterested in what anyone else has to say and quite frankly doesn't care!
Harrison displayed poor co-ordination in both fine and gross motor skills as a young child. Couldn't throw or catch a ball or use scissors and still to this day has difficulty with writing and riding his bike although these are on the improve. We have spent many hours with a physio and have done lots of exercises and things at home to help improve his co-ordination.
He likes routine and changes in routine send him into a high state of anxiety which often leads to bad behaviour and then the melt down. We have had issue just the last couple of weeks where his usual teacher has been away on leave as a result Harrison's behaviour deteriorated and he ended up on detention two days in a row.
Minor changes can upset Harrison and he has great difficulty coping when there is a change of plan. If we go to the Library and the plan is changed to include a stop for a coffee at a cafe Harrison gets extremely upset as this unpredictablity of what may happen next it is intolerable to him. Variety is not the spice of Harrison's life.
Harrison displays and excellent long term memory for facts and events that are of interest to him. Although his short term memory is very poor and often he cannot tell me what has happened at school that day but can recall it the following day.
He is ritualistic and obsessive to the point that he gets a fascination with one specific topic and delights in telling anyone who will listen everything he knows. People often comment on how clever he is not understanding that it is really due to obsessiveness.
There are many my things that are part of Asperger's Syndrome and I have only touched on a few. I am not a professional on this subject, just a loving parent who wants the best for her son hoping that on this journey I can pass some of my experiences that my help other parents in coping and dealing with Asperger's in their family.
For a professionals perspective on Aspergers and information that is invaluable to any parent I have found Dave Angel's Resources Guides the best. Click on this link and it will take you straight through to information on volume one http://tinyurl.com/pjnbrd .
In saying all these things we have been truly blessed. Harrison is a great kid! We are learning to work around and with the issues that he has and we have a very happy life together. Obviously it is always going to be a work in progress. The challenge for us as his parents to ensure that we do the best for him and give him the best opportunities that we can.
I already know we are winning and reaping the rewards of our efforts when he quietly walks up to me and whispers "I love you!"

This all began back in February 1987 when Richard and I married. We had a great life together. We built a couple of houses, had some fantastic overseas trips and had good jobs. We had a family the consisted of Max the dog, and two cats - Harriet and Vincent. Life was good!
We had decided that we would not have any children! Everything was going along nicely.
Then in 1999 my father died!
Suddenly we realised how poor we really were. We had plenty of money and material things but we didn't have the most important thing a family!
The race was then on to change this as I was no spring chicken and time was not really on our side.
On the 17th March 2001 our son Harrison was born. Life was the best it had ever been.

Things were going along nicely. Harrison meet all his mile stones and was an exceptionally happy baby.
He went through the terrrible two's and we all survived. There was often comments from others on how did we keep up with him as he was always on the go but we had no other children to compare with so we just kept on keeping on.
We new Harrison was different from other children in lots of things like his vocabulary and the fact that he never finished anything he started but people assured us he was just a "Typical Boy" and things would change once he went to school. Did they ever.

Harrison started school in March of 2006. He had only been there two weeks when we got the dreaded call from the school that they needed to see us.
Along we went not really knowing what to expect but at the same time knowing they were going to tell us the Harrison was not fitting in.
After much discussion it was decided that we would take him to our GP to have him checked out.

Dirk - our GP was great - physically he couldn't find anything wrong with Harrison but he recommended that we take him to a Behaviourial Paediatrican. This guy was right on the ball with Harrison and after spending much time with him Harrison was diagnosed of ADHD.
It was great to finally find out what was wrong and to be able to put a name to it. Relief at last.

Medicating was the best decision we ever made for Harrison. It took a while to get levels right and for us all to be comfortable with this but the difference it made to Harrison's life and to our home life was incredible.
Harrison went from a child to we were told would never learn to read and writing to being a very good reader and after many sessions of phsyo and occupational therapy was now starting to master writing.
There were still a lot of underlying problems with compulsivness, anixety and social issues and it always felt to us that there was something else that needed addressing but we just couldn't pin point it.

This year - 2009 we finally had a break through and Harrison was also diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome.
Finally we had some real answers to what was going on in our little man's head and now we could really start to help him.
He now sees on a regular basis a psycologist who is helping him to cope with day to day life and with the schools help any many other caring professionals we are starting to make life better for Harrison.
So now you're at the same place in our lives as we are.
My plan is to keep this blog as therapy for myself as this journey that we are on with Harrison is not easy. I also hope that in sharing it, other parents who are facing similar issues may gain strength, have a good laugh or cry but most of all realise they are not alone.

How precious these special children are!
How lucky are we to have been chosen to guide them through their lives!