Aspergers - A Family's Story

I know that sometimes my blog makes it sound like I have it all together with Harrison but it has not always been this way and frequently I don't have it all together.

I have had days when from the first breath I take the skills I have worked so hard to learn for parenting Harrison go out the door.  Harrison grates on me from the first word he says and I end up raising my voice and becoming the mother from hell breathing fire and spitting tacks.  Not the environment needed for a child that has Aspergers and I know this but still it happens.

Then there are other days  when everything falls into place and I cope extremely well and keep the home environment calm, just the way it should be for Harrison.

When we first went to see our family psychologist I believed that it was to get help for just  Harrison.  How wrong I was!  The first thing that Christine said to us was that she wanted to see Richard and I as a couple before she saw Harrison.  I have to tell you I wasn't too fussed on this person who told us that we had to fix the home environment before we could help Harrison.  What on earth was wrong with us? - Harrison was in a loving home and we were not bad parents!  But over time it has become clearer how we needed to change ourselves as Harrison is hard wired and it is our response that makes or breaks situations.

We have always taken a very positive approach to Harrison having Aspergers and ADHD.  We have always discussed his disability with him and been open about medication, visiting the psychologist and the paediatrician but we had never appreciated that we needed to change our parenting skills to help make his life better for him. 

This has been the challenge for us this year - especially me!  It hasn't been easy but then nothing to do with Aspergers and ADHD is easy.

I have learnt this year that the choice is mine on how the environment at home works.  I read a  quote about teachers that really hit home to me so I rewrote for myself, it goes like this:

" I've come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the home.  It is my personal approach that creates the climate.  It is my daily mood that makes the weather.  As a mother, I possess tremendous power to make my child's life miserable or joyous.  I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration.  I can humiliate or heal.  In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated, and my child humanized or de-humanised".
I keep this in my heart to remind me of the choice that I have in making every day a success not only for Harrison but for our whole family.

Things do not always turn out how they should but I have come to realise that it is always going to be a work in progress and I do know that the positive changes we have seen in Harrison this year are definitely due in part to the changes  and choices I have made.
I am not the perfect mother or parent but it doesn't matter I am doing my best!

We have always had animals in our family but last year when our darling Kelpie - Becky passed away we made a decision to have a break from dog ownership for a while. With Harrison having with Aspergers and ADHD it seemed not such a great time to be introducing a new pet to the family that would need attention when we seemed to be using all our energies up on Harrison.

I knew Harrison really felt the lost of Becky in his own way but she had been part of our family before Harrison was born so his bond with her did not run as deep as if she had been his dog or so I thought.

As the year went on having no dog started to become a bigger issue for Harrison and ourselves.  Everywhere we went - to school, to the beach, to the playground there was always a family with their dog.  Every walk and talk home from school would result in a discussion as to why we couldn't have another dog and how long it would be until we could.

So about three weeks ago one Friday afternoon Harrison finished school early and once again we all got talking about a dog.  I made the suggestion that we have a look on the internet to see if there was any small dogs that needed adoption from a rescue organization.  Everyone was keen.  So upstairs we went to check out websites.

We had already decided that when the time was right we would rescue a dog as every other pet we had ever owned had been rescued and as there are so many needy dogs in the world it always has seemed the right way to go for our family.  Also Richard and I felt that it would help Harrison to understand the importance of what we were about to do if the dog we adopted really was in need of a family.

Anyway after we had checked our three or four council sites with no luck we decided to check out the RSPCA.

And there he was.  A little Jack Russell/Fox Terrier cross! He had been given the name of Curly.

He was the one!  So with lots of noisy encouragement from Harrison I got on the phone to check if he was still available for adoption.  The answer was Yes!

You have never seen a family move so quickly to get organised to go and see this little dog.

We arrived at the RSPCA to be greeted by this little fella who's bottom was going to fall off if he wagged his tail any faster and instantly we new he was for us.  Harrison spent a lot of time play with him and it was just love a first sight.

So Curly became Jack Hannah and has become in a very short time a very special part of our family and Harrison's life.

The changes this little dog has made to Harrison are remarkable.  Harrison has no problem getting up early and going out to play with Jack. Harrison actually goes outside without any anxiety about bugs and insects.  Richard and I have never heard Harrison laugh so much.  He just loves being with this little dog.  Jack even has to sleep on his bed. They are constantly together - a real boy and dog friendship but much much more!

Harrison came up quietly to me the other day and said, "Mum, Jack is fantastic he is just like my brother and do you know how long I have been waiting for a brother?" I have to say this melted my heart and confirmed to me that we definately made the right decision to get another dog.

As for Jack well he is adorable and has fitted into our family perfectly. 

Isn't it wonderful how things work out - not only did he need us but until he arrived I didn't realise how desperately we needed him.  How lucky we all are to have found each other!

This is just a short update to let you all know how the change over in medication from  Ritalin to Strattera for the treatment of ADHD is going for Harrison.

So far everything is working out really well. It is quite a mission changing medication as we have had to work through a process of introducing the new medication and reducing the old but it is working out very well. Harrison is a completely different child.  Ritalin is a stimulant so Harrison had many ups and downs through his day as the medication worked and then started to wear off from his system.  With Strattera it is completely different for him.  Strattera gradually builds up in his system and releases slowly so he has no ups and downs far more consistancy.  He can go to bed at a reasonable time and can settle immediately he has no pent up energy to get rid off that had been suppressed by the Ritalin.  He is happier in himself and very proud that he no longer has to take medication at school - which as you can imagine is a really big thing in the life of an eight year old.  By the way this is his first week since starting school that he has not had to take meds. Fantastic!

He has an appetite again during the day and he seems much calmer in himself.

Harrison has had a bit of a skin rash which may be related to the Strattera but in talking to his Paediatrician - Anthony we have decided just to manage this with an antihistamine as Anthony believes that this will gradually settle down as Harrison's body starts to get in tune with the Strattera.  We all agree this is a small issue when you see the positives Harrison has had.

So this Friday will see the end of Ritalin for Harrison and a new world opening up for him.

We could never have imagined that such a change would have been possible in just 4 weeks.  We all agree this is a terrific outcome so far! 

I was first told this when Harrison had just been diagnosed and I was shocked and terribly upset to say the least.

This was not the little boy I knew that was being described to me.  How could a determination of such magnitude be made so matter of factly.

I knew that this was not my Harrison and in my heart of hearts I set out on a bit of a mission to prove to myself how off the mark this comment was.

I asked myself - How Do I feel Love? and came back with so many different feelings and emotions that I could not possibly put them into words. I was over whelmed with these feelings and to me everyone of them was love.   So then I started watching Harrison and keeping track of what I felt was his way of feeling love.

Firstly is his love for Richard and myself.  He has this in abundance and is never short of telling us so.  He loves the normal things that all kids love about their parents and he is totally non judgmental about us.  He loves us both to cuddle him in the morning before taking his medication,  He loves us to tuck him into bed and wants us both to kiss him goodnight.  He loves the security of being part of a family.

 

Then there's the little things that I could very easily have missed if I hadn't been so determined on my little mission.  The sparkle in his eye when the phone rings and he races to answer knowing that it is Grandma.  Hearing the conversation he holds with his Grandma and the giggles as they tell each other the latest jokes - half of which Harrison doesn't get but he laughs anyway because it Grandma telling them.  Hearing Harrison end the conversation with I miss you and love you Grandma!

Harrison's  special ways of thinking of someone else.  Like asking me to make a Brave Book for his Grandma just like his so that Grandma can write down the brave things she has done too.

Getting me to phone his friend's mum because Lucas has been sick and Harrison wanted to make sure he was ok.

Having his finger held by a baby and saying with much delight - She loves me Mum!

Seeing him eating his favourite food and hearing him laugh at his favourite television program.

Watching him running down to board walk at the beach full of mischief!

Seeing the way he carefully puts his toys away after playing.

I knew that Harrison really loved animals as when we are walking home from school we regularly stop to pat and talk to dogs, cats and watch out for any other creature but I did not realise to what extent until the day of the school carnival a week ago.  There at this carnival was a petting farm with baby goats, calves, ducks and ducklings, chickens, pigs, sheep,guinea pigs and more.  Harrison spent around an hour patting, holding and gently talking to the animals.  Then we went back again later in the day as the animals were tiring and starting to lie down.  Here to one side was Harrison sitting on a farm stool nursing, gently stroking and talking to a little baby goat.  He was so loving and caring and the little goat was so relaxed and comfortable that it went to sleep right there in Harrison's arms.  Harrison was so proud and said to me - The goat just loves me Mum!

Above all there is Harrison's total love of life.  He wakes up happy and goes to bed happy.  Obviously during the day there may have been ups and downs but wherever we go with him he leaves a happiness calling card and people always comment about how unforgettable he is and how luck we are to have such a beautiful child.

So I have come to the conclusion that my gut instincts as a mother are the best judge of all things Harrison.